Narcissists are Energy Vampires

Have you heard of energy vampires?

I assimilate narcissists to a mirage in the desert. What is a mirage? It’s a naturally occurring optical illusion that makes something appear real when it isn’t. From afar, they may seem like a shiny object. You want it to be real so badly but upon closer look, it is a disappointing piece of rubbish.

Narcissists deplete and suck your energy dry because they often project their own weaknesses onto others, accusing you of being weak, insecure, or inadequate. The truth is, these energy vampire narcissists are empty, insecure, and terrified of vulnerability and exposure.

People like us, empaths, often engage in positive self-projection. For example, I tend to see the good in everyone—unless they give me repeated and brutal reasons not to. With my ex, I gave him the benefit of the doubt so many times, and he completely wrecked my perception of reality. Don't worry, I am happily rebuilding my vision. I emphasize repeated and brutal because it took me a series of abusive tactics for me to finally open my eyes. The reality is the guy was a nobody, unaccomplished, arrogant, loser, delusional sense of grandiosity, highly bitter, avoidant, emotionally unavailable, and toxic.

He invited chaos & instability into my life. I gave him my best, and he didn't deserve it.

I am not by any means perfect. I have a lot of trauma. I suffered sustained abuse growing up into young adulthood. My body carries a lot of stress and trauma response. I tense up if someone yells at me, but hey no one should be yelling at me. Why would the person you love call you names? Insults? Silent treatment? That is verbal and emotional abuse. Even when I would beg him to stop with the psychological torture, he never budged. I get that he has unprocessed trauma or abuse that he will never face but that did not give him the right to hurt and use me.

Narcissistic Love: The Mirage That Feeds on Your Energy

It’s easy to fall for a narcissist's charm, especially when they sweep you off your feet with grand gestures, endless attention, and a sense of connection that feels profound. My ex made it seem as if he were being vulnerable but it was all a front. At first, the mirage may feel like you’ve found the love of your life, someone who truly understands you, supports you, and brings out the best in you. But before long, you begin to notice inconsistencies, moments where their true nature slips through the cracks. This so-called “love” you felt starts to feel more like a distasteful and poisonous mirage.

Narcissistic love isn’t real love; it’s an illusion. Narcissists don’t form genuine emotional connections. Instead, they draw you in, feed off your energy, and leave you feeling drained and empty. Understanding the truth about narcissistic love can be a vital step in reclaiming your self-worth and freeing yourself from their hold.

The Alluring Mirage of Narcissistic Love

At the beginning of a relationship with a narcissist, the love can feel magical. They shower you with attention, make grand promises, and appear to be everything you’ve ever wanted in a partner. This is the phase known as “love-bombing.” Narcissists are incredibly skilled at creating a picture-perfect fantasy where they are the ideal lover, friend, or partner. But this phase is simply the hook, the bait they use to pull you in.

The narcissist constructs this mirage to pull you into their world. They say the things they know you want to hear, mirror your interests, and adapt their behavior to align with your needs. But their love is surface-deep, a cleverly orchestrated façade meant to keep you mesmerized and make you feel like you’re the center of their universe. However, like all illusions, this one is temporary. Once the narcissist senses that you’re fully invested, the mask starts to slip, revealing the darker, self-serving motives underneath.

The Narcissist’s Need for Control and Validation

Narcissists lack genuine empathy, which is why they struggle to form authentic connections. They don’t love others for who they are but for what they can provide—primarily validation, attention, and admiration. To a narcissist, people are simply resources to exploit, objects to manipulate for their own gain. Eric, the narcissist, was so gentle and loving at first. He used to pick up the check when going out but as soon as he moved in he no longer offered to pay for even coffee, became explosively angry, cruelly put me down, violated my boundaries, and lacked of any compassion or empathy for suffering he inflicted in me with his toxic behavior.

In reality, narcissists are empty inside, devoid of the emotional depth and substance that allows most people to form meaningful bonds. This void compels them to seek out others who can fill it temporarily. The narcissist feeds off your energy, drawing from your kindness, empathy, and vulnerability to satisfy their own insatiable need for validation. But, much like a parasite, once they’ve drained you of what they need, they’ll move on to the next source. And surely he did, dropped me faster than a hot potato once I showed him I would not be abused or pushed around.

Draining Your Energy: The Narcissist’s Feeding Cycle

Narcissists are master manipulators who know how to hook into your emotions and drain you over time. Their relationships often follow a cycle: idealization, devaluation, and discard. At first, they idealize you, putting you on a pedestal and making you feel special. This is the high point, where you’re so wrapped up in the intensity of their attention that it becomes almost addictive. He used to tell me I was the woman who had all the things he ever wanted. I checked all of his boxes. Blah, blah, and blah! All fake.

But eventually, the narcissist starts to grow bored, and the devaluation phase begins. They may criticize you, dismiss your feelings, and undermine your self-worth. These actions chip away at your confidence, making you doubt yourself and wonder if you’re to blame for the shift. This phase can leave you feeling exhausted, like you’re constantly walking on eggshells, trying to win back the approval you once had. I remember he often told me that I didn't know anything. I believe this happened at moments where my intelligence or wisdom were shining too bright for him. He felt small and threatened.

The cycle was mainly him becoming offended over his own insecurities. Me apologizing profusely, crying, and demeaning myself. He then would leave, stonewall, or use the silent treatment. During this phase, the narcissist feeds off your energy as you scramble to regain their favor, feeling increasingly anxious, confused, and emotionally exhausted. It’s in this space of doubt and vulnerability that they thrive, gaining power by keeping you unbalanced and reliant on their approval.

The Soulless Nature of Narcissistic Love

Narcissists lack genuine emotional depth, which can make them feel almost soulless. They don’t experience love, empathy, or compassion in the way that most people do. Instead, their focus is solely on themselves—how they feel, what they want, and how others perceive them.

Energy Vampire, Pure Evil

Read this a few times:

For a narcissist, relationships aren’t about mutual support, growth, or understanding. They’re about control. They see you as an extension of themselves, a resource to be exploited, not a partner to be cherished. Because of this, they have no qualms about using and discarding you once you’re no longer serving their needs. When the mirage fades, you’re left with the realization that the person you thought you loved never truly existed. They were merely a hollow shell, reflecting back your own desires and aspirations until it no longer served them.

Reclaiming Your Energy and Moving Forward

The first step to healing from a narcissistic relationship is recognizing it for what it truly was: a mirage. While the love may have felt real, it was never built on genuine affection or respect. Narcissists will continue to drain you as long as you allow them access to your life, so it’s essential to break free and start the journey of reclaiming your energy and sense of self.

Recognizing that you were involved with a narcissist can feel disheartening, but it’s also empowering. By seeing the reality of their behavior, you can begin to release the hold they have over you. You can take back the energy they’ve drained by focusing on your healing, reconnecting with yourself, and surrounding yourself with people who value and respect you for who you truly are. I've been doing exactly that. Reclaiming and calling back all the love and energy I wasted on this person.

Rediscovering Self-Worth and Embracing Authentic Love

When you finally cut ties with a narcissist, you’re left with an opportunity to rediscover your self-worth. The emptiness that once held you in their orbit can be filled with genuine self-love, resilience, and an understanding that you deserve more. You have the strength to build a life free from the manipulations of a narcissist, and in doing so, you open yourself up to authentic love.

True love doesn’t drain you; it uplifts, supports, and energizes. It’s a reciprocal exchange of respect, empathy, and kindness. By embracing this kind of love, you’ll come to see just how different it feels from the illusion you once experienced. You will feel reinvigorated and not depleted by healthy love. The journey to healing and self-empowerment may be challenging, but it will lead you to a place of deeper connection, one that is based on mutual respect, admiration, and genuine affection—something a narcissist could never provide.

Your Fellow Survivor,

xoxo

eric swan, swan luxury goods, business oracle deck, swan productions, www.swanluxurygoods.com