Slow is Smooth, and Smooth is Fast: Why I’m Taking My Time in Dating

I don’t know who first coined the phrase “slow is smooth, and smooth is fast,” but it resonates with me deeply now that I’m rethinking my approach to dating.

For a long time, I’d been swept up in the thrill of new connections, rushing to define things and jumping into relationships before truly understanding the person in front of me. However, I’ve come to realize that getting to know someone’s character slowly and intentionally is more fulfilling and meaningful. This article is about why taking your time to get to know someone will save you time and heartache in the long run.

Slow is Smooth, and Smooth is Fast

Slowing down in dating isn’t just about pacing yourself; it’s about giving both individuals the space to reveal who they truly are, without the pressure of expectations. This journey has helped me better understand not only others but also myself—my values, my boundaries, and the type of person I want to build a future with.

You see, when you go fast you may overlook red flags! So I am advising myself and you to take your sweet time. I justified and excused behaviors based on my own experience. For one, this guy had a bad relationship with his family, even his children, didn't pay child support, had a trail of burnt bridges, and was rude to service people on front of me. How could I have missed that he was not a good person? I did not take enough time to get to know him. But please do not beat yourself up, if you are a good person, chances are you see good in others at baseline.

Embracing Patience in the Process

When I jump into a relationship, it feels exciting at first. I convince myself I’ve found someone special, that we’re perfect for each other, and I get caught up in the whirlwind. But rushing through the initial stages of dating has often led me to overlook red flags, bypass my own needs, and ultimately end up with someone who wasn’t right for me. This new approach feels different: taking things slow allows me to truly absorb who the other person is and see if their values align with mine.

In learning to embrace patience, I’ve found that slowing down creates a smoother path forward. By letting things unfold naturally, I feel more at ease. It’s like peeling back layers of an onion; each layer reveals more depth and complexity. In taking my time, I’m not only gaining a clearer picture of who they are but also giving myself the chance to see if my feelings grow organically, without the rush to define where things are headed.

Building a Stronger Foundation

I now think of dating as building a foundation. Like any structure, a solid foundation takes time. I’d rather spend time carefully constructing a relationship from the ground up, even if it takes longer, because I know it will last longer too. By slowing down, I’m allowing our connection to solidify. We’re getting to know each other’s strengths and flaws, interests and quirks, and even our coping mechanisms.

Rushing through this process is like trying to build a house on shaky ground. It might look good for a while, but eventually, the cracks will show. Instead, I want to create something stable and long-lasting. I’m coming to understand that by investing time upfront, I’m actually saving myself time in the long run. I’m avoiding the pain and confusion that comes from rushing into something only to discover that it wasn’t right from the start.

Discovering Their True Character

Getting to know someone slowly has made me more attuned to who they truly are. When you’re not in a rush, you’re more likely to notice how someone acts in different situations, especially under stress or conflict. You begin to see how they treat others, how they communicate, and how they show up consistently—or don’t.

By focusing on their character, I’m able to see beyond the superficial qualities that can initially draw me in. I’m looking at how they handle disagreements, how they speak about their past, and how they interact with the world around them. Do they take responsibility for their actions? Are they empathetic? Do they respect my boundaries? These are the things that take time to observe, and by slowing down, I’m giving myself the space to truly see them.

Protecting My Heart

One of the greatest benefits of taking my time is that it allows me to protect my heart. I used to think that holding back was a sign of distrust or a lack of openness. But now, I see it as a form of self-care. I’m no longer willing to give my all before I know if someone deserves that part of me. Vulnerability should be earned. Not all spaces or people are safe.

By moving slowly, I’m giving myself the chance to observe how they handle my boundaries. Do they respect my need for space, or do they try to push me into commitment before I’m ready? Taking it slow has become my way of safeguarding my emotions and ensuring that when I do give my heart, it’s to someone who truly values and respects it.

Slow Is Smooth, and Smooth Is Fast

The beauty of “slow is smooth, and smooth is fast” is that, while it might feel counterintuitive, moving slowly actually speeds up the process of finding a meaningful, lasting connection. By taking my time, I’m less likely to end up in a relationship that ultimately fizzles out. I’m focusing on quality over quantity, choosing to nurture one genuine connection rather than chasing the highs of multiple superficial ones.

In slowing down, I’m actually moving faster toward a meaningful connection because I’m allowing myself to be selective, intentional, and discerning. I’m avoiding the heartbreak that comes from rushing in only to realize we weren’t a match after all. Instead, I’m allowing the relationship to unfold in its own time, trusting that what’s meant for me won’t pass me by.

Redefining Success in Dating

For me, success in dating now means building something meaningful and long-lasting. It’s about finding someone who shares my values, respects my boundaries, and is willing to take the time to know me as deeply as I’m getting to know them. This doesn’t mean that every slow relationship will turn into a lifelong partnership, but it does mean that I’m giving each connection the chance to reveal its true potential.

Slowing down has changed my approach to dating in the best possible way. It’s given me the space to heal, grow, and rediscover what I truly want in a partner. So here I am, embracing the philosophy that “slow is smooth, and smooth is fast,” and trusting that by taking my time, I’m moving closer to the kind of relationship I’ve always wanted.

Your Fellow Survivor,

xo

eric swan, swan luxury goods, swan productions