Can a Narcissist Really Love?

Most people who get entangled with narcissists are empaths, and I’m no exception. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I’ve been guilty of being too generous and trusting. The person I spent six months with forever changed me. I can no longer take people’s words at face value. Yet, despite the pain, I’m grateful for the new clarity and perspective I have now.

The sad and harsh truth is, no—a narcissist cannot truly love someone. My love for him was real, but narcissists are incapable of feeling genuine love. They often struggle to love others in a healthy way because of their deep-rooted need for admiration, control, and validation. Their love is conditional and self-serving, not the empathetic, reciprocal kind that most people experience.

Eric Swan, Swan Luxury Goods

While a narcissist may claim to love someone, their version of love is centered around how that person meets their needs—whether it’s providing admiration, status, or emotional support. It’s a transactional attachment, not based on mutual care or respect. My ex told me he loved me just two weeks into knowing each other, and I knew it was too soon. He gave love as superficially as he took it. For him, it was meaningless. For me, it was real—I cared about his feelings, safety, and well-being. I took care of his physical and emotional needs, but he lacked the capacity to do the same for me. He had no real compassion. He would push me to tears and then laugh about it.

Their "love" often feels shallow, fleeting, and manipulative, especially when the other person no longer serves their needs or threatens their sense of superiority.

Narcissists might feel infatuation or attraction, but true love requires empathy, vulnerability, and the ability to put someone else’s well-being first—qualities they tend to lack or suppress. Their focus is always on themselves, making it difficult for them to form deep, lasting connections.

The best thing you can do is let them go. Let them lose you. You’re not missing out. As I heal and regulate my nervous system from the highs and lows of trauma bonding, I realize there’s nothing they can do or say to help me heal. In my case, he discarded me without a second thought about what it would do to me. He didn’t consider my feelings or my well-being, so it’s only fair that I move on and don’t consider his. I’m ready for the love and care that I truly deserve.

Your Fellow Survivor,

xo

eric swan, swan luxury goods, beware of eric swan